“Just” a Stay-At-Home-Mom.

Dear Son #1, #2, & #3,  

As I write this post (FYI, I started writing this last Monday night), school is done for the day, as well as play time, screen time, down time, outdoor time, reading time and meltdown time. You have been fed, bathed and put into bed with the usual Bedtime Threes – “I have to pee, I am still hungry, and I am afraid of the dark”. The toys are tidied up, the dishes are done, 75% of dinner has been swept up from the floor and I’m lying on the couch wondering how I’m going to pull that off again tomorrow. And the next day. And the next day. And the next. I do not to dwell on this too much because for the most part, I really do love being home with you boys despite sometimes finding it exhausting, monotonous and overwhelming. Yet when people ask me what I do for a living, and I reply “Oh, I’m just a stay-at-home-mom” or I hear other moms say “I’m just a stay-at-home-mom, so I have no reason to feel {insert negative emotion here}”. I really can’t help but be like… 

WHAT?!? 

There is no “just” about it. But Mom Guilt is a real thing (I named mine Frank) and it likes to creep up on to our shoulder (the one not covered in someone else’s snot) and says things like: “Suck it up Mama, not like you have to go to work or anything”, or “Seriously? You’re lucky to have this opportunity, you should be grateful”, or my absolute favourite, “Enjoy. Every. Moment.” Dear God, I once wrote a whole blog post on that last statement alone. Don’t get me going.  

Before I do get into it, I would like to add the disclaimer that I have the upmost respect for working moms. I was one too once and my hat goes off to all of them, because that isn’t easy. But for the purposes of this post, I am going to talk about Stay-At-Home-Moms because at this juncture, I am her. And, as my boys who will one day be men, you need to know that although it seems like we live the life of luxury at home, we do the jobs of countless people. And are still waiting for that paycheck.  

So, sit down, stop destroying the place for one minute, and listen up.  

I am a live-in nanny. $27,000 – Okay, this salary would not be close to what I would expect for this job. I hope it at least includes a company vehicle and a Heck of a benefits package. 

I am a doctor. $281,000 – This may be a stretch, but it’s amazing what I can diagnose now. 

I am a nurse. $78,000 – I have always had super respect for nurses and even more so after you boys. They are still able to keep smiling with such cranky, ungrateful, and relatively gross patients.  

I am a chef. $36,000 – To some very picky customers, does that mean I could make more? 

I am a server. $29,000 – Tips are terrible and I usually have to request good manners.  

I am a busboy. $29,000 – No, you do not need a fork, a spoon, a knife, a plate, and a bowl for peanut butter on toast; yet here we are. 

I am a housecleaner/maid. $31,000 – Don’t even go there. 

I am a laundry cleaner. $27,000 – Who would actually probably make millions if I was paid by piecework.  

I am a home organizer. $31,000 – Marie Kondo once said “Life truly begins after you have put your house in order”. I don’t think life is going to begin for us boys.  

I am a teacher. $39,000 – And, as of late, teaching more than just the facts of life or how to actually pee into the toilet. 

I am a principal. $113,000 – Which you seem content on spending a good portion of your day in “the office”. 

I am a playmate. – Okay, those are usually free and fun for the most part, unless it’s wrestling or “horsey”. Save those for Daddy. 

I am a therapist. $76,000 – And I know, the worst is yet to come. Ten years from now should just be a raging party. Yay. 

I am a taxi driver. $33,000 – I’m not positive what actually takes longer, getting you strapped into the van or driving to the destination.  

I am a photographer. $39,000 – With the wriggliest subjects ever. But oh, so cute. 

I am a personal shopper. $40,000 – And one who doesn’t really care if that new shirt is the wrong shade of green, you get what you get. You’re welcome. 

I am Google. $110.8 Billion – Okay, I’m not actually going to include this for real but sometimes when I’m in the middle of cleaning your poop out of the sides of the toilet, I just don’t have the answer to “how is electricity made?” Okay? 

Wow. So according to this I could in fact be pulling in $909,000 annually, instead of just doing it solely out of my unconditional love for you. (Also, because I can’t send you back). But, from looking at this list (along with things I’ve most likely forgotten to include), the word “just” doesn’t belong in the same sentence as “Stay-At-Home-Mom”.  

What is the point, you ask, of me telling you this? Because when you’re older and someone asks you what your Mom does or when you’re much older and someone asks what your wife/partner/girlfriend/whatever does, or when you’re much much older and someone asks you what your daughter does; you can answer this: 

“She does EVERYTHING”.  

Love Mommy,  

XO 

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