Dear Son #2 & #3,
Last weekend was the church picnic and I had a beautiful plan in my head on how the morning was going go since I only had two of you to worry about as opposed to the normal three. I was to get up in good time and spend a little more time than my usual 3 ½ minutes getting myself ready so I looked less like a bag lady and more like – well a more put together bag lady. We were going to have a wholesome breakfast together and I was going to put you in the cutest outfits in the freakin’ world. I was going to get a coffee on the way there and we were going to make it 15 minutes before the service started.
BAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh Mommy you’re funny.
Everyone slept in. For once. In. Their. Lives.
- Dress Mommy – I have no choice but to hop into the first dress I can find, throw hair in a bun (messy buns are chic these days right?) and whip on some deodorant. Sorry teeth, Excel Polar Fresh gum will have to do the trick today.
- Dress #2 in a cute outfit – Must you always freak out every time I take your PJs off? They’re slightly damp and smell like warm pee, not something welcome at the church picnic. And what’s with your obsession with hoodies? It’s 30 degrees outside, but whatever stops you from screaming.
- Feed #2 & #3 – Well thanks to your screaming, #3 is screaming now too. So I’ll poach your eggs first and you can eat while I feed and dress #3. While you two happily play together in harmony I’ll eat mine and catch up on my emails too.
- Dress #3 in a cute outfit – Why is it so awkward to dress a 3-month-old? And why does every outfit have 438 snaps? Did your head grow overnight? What’s that suspicious-looking yellow stain on the back…?
- Feed Mommy – Everyone is relatively happy and I’ve got 7 minutes to eat my poached eggs, check my emails and do something about the rat’s nest on my head…wait, what’s that smell?
The moral of this story my dear boys, is to always expect the unexpected in life and realize that things aren’t always (actually rarely) ever going to go to plan. This morning I planned many things that didn’t happen such as looking amazing, getting coffee and arriving 15 minutes early, but I definitely didn’t plan on melting my egg poacher.
P.S. You did make it into the cutest outfits in the freakin’ world though. #momwin!
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