Dear Son #1 & #2,
Once again I have some wisdom that could very well save your life one day. As you know Mommy’s got a baby in her tummy and in just a few months you’ll get to meet that little baby. Along with getting much bigger, you may haven’t noticed Mommy getting much grumpier too, don’t be alarmed, those are called hormones. Now, you have to tread very carefully with these and here you will find a list of top ten things not to say to a pregnant lady to ensure you don’t meet the wrath of the hormones. Don’t say these things to a stranger, a friend, a co-worker, or (especially) to your own wife and I guarantee you will walk away with your life.
- “You look tired.”
Well…I have two little monsters that suck the life out of me on the outside and one little monster that does it from the inside. Heck yah, I look tired, because I am tired.
- “You’re so big already!”
Thank you. I had no idea. In fact I’ve been feeling relatively small these days as I try to get out of my van, fit through doors, carry toddlers, and get out of bed.
- “Are you sure there’s only one in there?”
Um yes, ultrasounds these days are so good that they can detect not only the baby’s gender, general health and number of limbs but they can also see how many babies are in there. So yes, I’m sure there’s just one.
- “So if this one’s a boy are you going to try for another girl?”
No. Way. You know why? Because that one could also be a boy. And you know what’s scarier than 3 boys? 4.
- “Wow, you still have a while to go!”
Yup I know. But thanks for the reminder. And yes, before you ask, there’s only one in there.
- “You’re going to be really busy when this baby comes.”
Thanks, I only lay awake most nights in a cold sweat thinking about that.
- “Should you be eating that?”
Should you be asking that? I’m very large, grouchy and haven’t had wine in seven months. Walk away. Just walk away.
- “Don’t gain too much weight, remember you have to lose it at the end.”
Read above. And run away.
- “You need to rest more and put your feet up.”
Awesome! So just let me know when you’re coming over to babysit, clean the house, and cook the meals and I’ll be ready.
- “Pregnancy is 9 months long, not 10.”
Don’t say this to any pregnant woman. Whoever said pregnancy was 9 months long (most likely a man) was never pregnant nor did they have to ever deal with the wrath of a pregnant lady. 40 weeks is ten months. End. Of. Story.
P.S. Don’t be scared, only 8 more weeks to go!
Like my posts? Yay! I’m so glad. Please follow/like/share this blog and spread the love and, hopefully, the laughter!