10 lies that keep me sane.

Dear Son #1, #2, & #3,  

Are you ready for this?

Mommy lies to you.  

That’s right.  

To your face with no shame.  

And you know what? 

One day you’ll be telling these exact same lies to your sproglets because sometimes it just makes life that much easier and Mommy that much saner by the end of the day.  

  1. “It’s broken.”
    It’s not broken, the batteries have just died and yes, I could fix that. It’s just if I have to hear/see that incredibly annoying {toy, song, book, movie} again I guarantee you it will be broken very quickly.
  2. “It’s too hot/spicy.”
    It’s actually not too hot or spicy at all, it’s perfect. Which is why I don’t want to share it, so eat your own food.
  3. “It’s all gone.”
    Isn’t it funny that in a whole pack of cookies you only have one and they are suddenly all gone? I’m willing to bet the same thing will happen again tomorrow.
  4. “If you do that a man/lady will come and kick you out.”
    That includes, but not limited to: opening the bathroom stall while I’m still in it, pressing the emergency button in the bathroom stall, putting your hands in the toilet in the bathroom stall, running and screaming in the library, hogging the toys at the play gym, not sitting while eating, and touching everything you’re not supposed to touch.
  5. “It’s in the laundry.”
    I’m sorry but you are not wearing the same underwear/shirt/socks/shorts every day this month. So, let’s switch it up. And nine times out of ten it probably is in the laundry so this may not be a lie at all.
  6. “Puppy needs a rest.”
    In fact, he needs so much rest that he can never leave your bed. What can I say? He’s a growing boy.
  7. “Stop playing with your penie or it will fall off.”
    Hey, I’m not a boy so maybe it does. Do you really want to find out?
  8. “If you don’t clean up these toys they are going in the garbage.”
    But don’t call my bluff on this one because I really don’t want to throw perfectly good toys that I paid for in the garbage.
  9. “It’s closing now.”
    Sometimes it is, but 95% of the time the pool, play gym, restaurant, fair, market, and park closes long after we’ve gone home. But what can I say? You fall for it every time.
  10. “If you don’t smarten up there will be no shows this afternoon.”
    One of these days I will have to follow through with this ridiculously empty threat. And when that day comes, I’m going to need all the strength and patience I can muster because it won’t be a pretty afternoon.

How do I sleep at night you ask? Between feeding, teething, midnight poops/pukes, and bad dreams I don’t anyways so it works well.  

Anyways the moral of the story here, my boys, is don’t lie. It will come to bite you in the bum as it will someday for me. But for now, I’ll just enjoy them while you still believe them.  

Love Mommy,  


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1 thought on “10 lies that keep me sane.”

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