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Please sir, can I have some more? I’ll fit it in the other cheek…

Dear Son,

Right, so it’s my duty to help teach you the ways of life and to help you become the best you can be. Or something like that anyways. So let’s take this opportunity to talk about table manners, or in your case, extreme lack of them.

My concern isn’t for right now really but for the future – you know first dates, job interviews, client meetings, social functions that sort of thing. The key here is not throwing food halfway across the room, taking food out of your mouth to throw across the room, and finally, shoving as much food as possible into your mouth because you think hamsters are onto something.

Trust me when I say they are not onto something and you will have more luck getting that second date, dream job, new client and best friend if you don’t gross them out by eating the loaf of bread in one bite. But don’t get me wrong, I think you’re just adorable!

Love Mommy,

xox

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